Usually, when one makes a ‘best of the year’ list, one must also include a ‘worst of the year’ list. Photos are backwards in order. So…without further ado…
15. MAGGIE.
Arnold delivers a very powerful performance in this film and I understand the want and need to stand by someone you really love when they are dying, but there are moments in this movie where it draws out. It’s more dramatic than anything else and Arnold’s character just becomes irritating because he is defying logic and letting things get from bad to worse as his daughter is turning into a zombie.
14. GOOSEBUMPS.
I remember reading some of the Goosebumps books in my younger days and seeing the episodes on t.v., but this film just didn’t appeal to me. Admittedly, Jack Black is not a way to win me over and while the Goosebumps books and episodes were real horror stories aimed at kids, I just felt like this was trying to be a little too watered down.
13. GREEN INFERNO.
I know I’m going hard on Eli Roth this year, as two of his films are on my worst list. But I just can’t help it. From a man who gushed so much that Cannibal Holocaust is one of his all-time favorite films, I was certainly expecting a cannibal jungle movie with far more ferocity to it. It really does not help that Roth put actors and actresses in his movie that you’ve seen in other movies before and made damn sure to make this film so sleek looking. Films like Cannibal Holocaust or Cannibal Ferox were infamous because they had actors we didn’t really know and they were filmed to look realistic. It seemed as though Roth went by the rule Hitchcock did on Psycho: If I show one gruesome death, I can make the rest of the movie relatively violence-free. Didn’t help either that the characters in this movie were, for the most part, repugnant.
12. KNOCK KNOCK.
Eli Roth, again. It is hard to believe that Roth was given the chance to remake the film Death Game and have the chance to improve on it by making it scarier, gorier and far more suspenseful than the original. Instead, he chooses to make it ridiculous with characters that are either so annoying you can’t believe it or just so dumb. Keanu Reeves is a good and talented actor and he is given nothing really to work with. So much potential for this movie, gone to waste. All I can say is, “FREE PIZZA!!!”
11. AMITYVILLE PLAYHOUSE.
No more terrible Amityville movies.
10. KILLER RACK.
What seemed like a cheesy and fun movie is just really boring, with really mediocre special effects. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.
9. TREMORS 5: BLOOD LINES.
At first, I was excited to see a new entry in the franchise and even more excited that Michael Gross would come back to play Burt Gummer. If the makers of any of the original Tremors films worked on this, it certainly doesn’t show. The effects are terrible. The wonderful, snappy wit that we saw in previous Tremors films is sadly lacking here and instead, we’re treated to Burt getting pissed on (literally). Just a poor entry.
8. HARBINGER DOWN.
With the talent involved behind the camera as well as in front of this film, this is really poor. Woodruff Jr. and Gillis are excellent special effects experts and have worked on great projects for many years and with this project, their work comes off like first timers. The story is plodding and the characters all act as though they don’t have even a shred of common sense.
7. SHARKNADO 3; OH, HELL NO!
I cannot help but grind my teeth when I think of these movies. I’m not against a horror film with a little humor, but these movies go too far. The effects are lackluster, as always. The plot is ridiculous and the acting is sub-par, at best. I know these movies have fans, but I have to admit, I’m not one of them!
6. CONTRACTED PHASE II.
Okay, the idea of zombies created by sex was done much better in David Cronenberg’s Shivers. If they wanted to take what Cronenberg had conceived and built on that, then I might’ve been able to get behind it.
5. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE GHOST DIMENSION.
I admit that I have never been a fan of this franchise. To be honest, I found them boring and especially irritating that these films are the definition of ‘false advertising’. You know, where you see something very creepy or interesting in the trailer and then you go to see the movie and realize there’s nothing particularly interesting in this movie at all. I love a good ghost story, but this is not it for me.
4. SCOUT’S GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
I knew this was a zom-com, but man, it was just not that funny. Our main characters are basically pedophiles. They are not interesting, nor particularly likable. The humor falls so flat and the film is just so unsatisfying.
3. HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3: FINAL SEQUENCE.
I admit I had high hopes for this movie, especially since Tom Six was bringing back Dieter Laser from the first film and Lawrence R. Harvey from the second film. They were so chilling and disturbing with their performances that it seemed like the tension of these two together would be phenomenal. Instead, Laser is over-acting SO bad and Harvey is just following him around, rolling his eyes. After awhile, it just felt like watching a bad Laurel and Hardy or Abbot & Costello movie. The first two films are also known for their tension, atmosphere, shock value and the ability to keep pushing the envelope. This movie spends way more time trying to be giddy, funny and way to self-referential. While the idea of it taking place in a prison is an intriguing one, one just can’t help but think of all the missed opportunities. This movie could’ve been so dark and the strongest of the series, but really emerges as the weakest.
2. POLTERGEIST.
I thought the idea of a remake was to take what was done in the original and go further with it, not to water it down and make it so absolutely bland and boring that it can bring you to tears. It could’ve been better if Sam Raimi really tapped into that wild imagination of his and let it run loose, but instead they make a movie that even a three year old couldn’t get scared by. Unlikable kids and no memorable characters like Zelda Rubinstein, this movie is just one gigantic failure.
1. HAYRIDE 2.
This movie just offends me on every level. It is just a seriously poor rip-off of John Carpenter’s Halloween 2. A killer goes to a hospital to stalk and kill the victim that got away from him in the first movie and takes out everyone else in the process. And like Michael, the killer dons a mask and is pursued by a man named Loomis. Ring a bell?
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